When Erina met Ivy
CW: This story mentions pregnancy loss.
When I saw the positive test I couldn’t believe it. My husband and I were expecting our rainbow baby having gone through a miscarriage the year prior and this was to be our first child. I think I took about 9 tests before I started to allow myself to celebrate and my husband didn’t celebrate until the first scan confirmed a heartbeat. We got the NIPT done to rule out any genetic anomalies and found out we were having a little girl who we we went on to name Ivy.
My early pregnancy was certainly hard having suffered severe morning sickness and unexplained bleeds which resulted in multiple hospital visits, but when I first felt Ivy’s kicks sometime around 18 weeks, I knew it was her way of telling me everything will be okay.
I had opted to go down an unmediated route for the birth using one of the programs available through our local hospital. We met with our midwife sometime around 20 weeks and saw her monthly until the birth. All the appointments went well and we had a plan in place for a water birth which I was really looking forward to. I had heard such wonderful things about this program so felt I was in safe hands.
Our original due date was 8 May 2024 but Ivy decided to come 2 weeks later on 21 May 2024 when I was nearly 42 weeks pregnant. By this time I was certainly very uncomfortable and wanted to meet her so badly (plus she had a fondness for kicking my ribcage at 3:00 in the morning which meant I wasn’t sleeping well.)
I had gone in for a stretch and sweep on the morning of 19 May 2024 which finally got things moving. I lost my mucous plug around 3:30PM and my waters broke that night at 11:30PM. I spent the entirety of the next day having contractions.
I had started to black out and vomit from the pain of the contractions sometime around 1:00PM the next day. My midwife came out and told me that there was nothing that could be done and this was just part of labour. I remember feeling dismissed and I spent the day feeling awful and laying in bed, trying to sleep between the contractions. My husband was by my side the whole time having not slept himself the night before. The resilience and strength he showed through my entire labour was nothing short of incredible.
At 8:30 or so that night, my contractions got much closer together and I was contracting every 4-7 minutes and had been doing so for at least 2 hours or more. We were told when we entered the program that this was when we were supposed to head to the hospital and I could have access to the birth suite. I remember at this point feeling the need to sit on the toilet when my contractions occurred and feeling a weight pushing on my tailbone.
My midwife came out around 9:30PM and told me (in her exact words) that she was a bit of a masochist and would expect my contractions to be closer together and that I wasn’t ready for hospital. She then tucked me into bed with a hot water bottle and 2 Panadol. I felt incredibly disappointed at this point and with the benefit of hindsight, wish I had advocated for myself more and at least asked for a vaginal examination to see how far I was dilated.
As you can imagine I was in a lot of pain, Ivy was lying in a posterior position so my back hurt immensely, I had been vomiting off and on for 24 hours and hadn’t slept a wink, all while going through my first birth and having no idea what to expect. This was around 10:30PM and at this point I told my husband to go down to the spare bedroom to get some sleep and I’d call if I needed him.
Less than an hour later I had the urge to sit on the toilet and push. I remember screaming in pain and having no idea what was going on. I had left my phone on the bedside table and couldn’t reach it and due to the length of our house, my husband couldn’t hear my cries. I was scared, alone and in the worst pain I had ever felt. I didn’t even have the ability to get up and turn the light on so I was just sitting there in the dark, on the toilet in immense pain.
One of the few things that kept me from blacking out completely was my beloved border collie who was in the bedroom with me. She would bark at the end of each of my screams which stopped me from passing out and pushed me to keep going. I had no choice but to trust that my body knew what it was meant to do and that I could deliver Ivy safely.
In the end I managed to reach between my legs and felt something hard, it was Ivy’s head. I knew there was no way I was making it to the hospital so I found a strength I didn’t know I had to get my phone to call my husband, who called an ambulance. Our ensuite is so small as well that no one could be in there with me as I was pushing. The only thing my husband could do was hold my hand while I held onto the handrail.
The paramedics arrived within minutes and I felt another urge to push whilst sitting on the toilet (it was the only way I could get any relief). I grabbed the paramedics hand, gave one almighty push and heard the incredible sound of Ivy’s cry, from inside the toilet bowl. The paramedics were wonderful throughout their time with us.
We were taken to the hospital where I was supposed to give birth and kept for 24 hours under observation. I ended up having 9 stitches, 2 grade 2 tears resulting is a labioplasty, a pereneal tear and damage to my tailbone.
We were discharged after 24 hours to the hospital and never saw our midwife again.
I share my story not to scare people or show bravery, but to ensure that anyone reading this advocates hard for themselves.
Ivy is now nearly 2 years old and the funniest, sunniest, wonderful little child. She is my little bestie and follows me everywhere I go, chattering about her day or what she has eaten. I couldn’t love her anymore than I do and she is the light of our lives.
What do you wish you knew before birth?
Everyone warns you that labour hurts but it really hurts…
If you could, would you do anything differently?
I don’t think this needs huge elaboration. I would have advocated for myself much more. I’m a former lawyer (turned academic) and spent my life advocating for my clients, I feel a bit of shame that I couldn’t advocate for Ivy and I at that moment. This is something I will eventually work through but even now, it’s still a sore point.
What did your partner do that really helped during labour/birth?
I had a birthing comb and it was incredible. Once I got control of my breathing and could work through the contractions with breathe work and my comb, I felt much more at ease. Joe then added to this by counting me through each contraction and telling me to breath. Without him I would have really struggled to work through the pain and it was in this moment, I realised how strong he was throughout. He was my light through a very long and dark path both during and after Ivy’s birth.
What advice/honest truth would give a mama-to-be about birth?
I struggled to bond with Ivy in the first few months of her life. We never got the beautiful golden hour, the delayed cord clamping or a water birth so my bonding was definitely impacted by this. I also never knew how normal it was to not fall in love with your child straight away. There is such stigma surrounding a mothers love in the early days, and I don’t think enough is done to reduce that stigma.
Also don’t let people dismiss your birth story. I can now make jokes about Ivy’s birth but they are initiated by myself and my loved ones. If anyone ever says something dismissive about you birth story, ignore them. Your story is not theirs to comment on or diminish.